letsoisa – ecological urbanism
abstract
page should follow contents page.
structure of contents page is understandable. even at this stage, pages need to be
numbered, following a discernable narrative.
abstract page sets up in intriguing argument, which you now have to
follow to completion for a rich project.
the link should be the link between builtform [structure], greenery
[landscape] and people [actors]. keep
trying to make the structure more succinct so that you may then do – a, b +
c. why are pages printed upside
down? is this a concept? if it is, it fails to work.
historical
analysis is thin. joburg has a rich and
complex history, which cannot be explained in a paragraph of 200 words. images, drawings, maps et al would enhance
the explanation of joburg’s development.
as much as i don’t support wikipedia, have a look-see of their structure
in describing joburg, if you are stuck as how to proceed. timelines are a good way to say something.
context
is also thin. joburg has
infrastructure. roads, freeways,
waterbodies etc. you need to say much
more before you get to the landuse map, which should be a larger scale, as in
showing more of joburg’s landuse and not just a pretty graphic. where is this in context? what do you mean, status quo?
vehicular
movement cannot be just local as depicted in the project. the city is more than just the demonstrated
10 routes exhibited.
the
manner in which the document is printed makes it difficult to access.
it
is though an interesting beginning, which, with the appropriate interrogation
would result in a fantastic study. you
should have been at this stage 2 weeks after project handout. i fear you might be leaving things a little
too late. 30%
almeida – sustainable energy
tower [?]
contents
should be:
1. intro
2. history
3. analysis
4. research + case
studies
5. concept
6. udf
7. conclusion
8. refs
have a look at by ikemeleng +
26’10 for direction + orientation.
figure
1. location map is too local. we need to know your site in relation to the
greater gauteng area before you zoom in onto the site. figure 3.
under highway. what highway? be specific when describing the city + urban
space. the meandering nature of the
project makes it difficult to access and decipher. spend some time restructuring it for a finer
and deeper narrative. make the case
studies, douglas village, brickfields + cosmo much more stronger and integrated
into your project. use these to justify
what you are doing and how you will do it.
not quite sure what we are learning from braamfontein except how the
rich play and consume the city from plushysafe heights. hammer home joburgs historical development,
especially the lack of water, gold reserves and segregation, to justify and
enhance the need for citywide connections + networks. use the metropolitan scale map on page 15 as
a base map for all your concepts + explorations with appropriate key. the basemap, figure 17. axis map for
more detailed illustrations, as a local | precinct scale context. sections on page 22 need to be longer,
showing more context and relationship of built + open space. overall a finely tuned, well drawn and
beautiful project, which with the proper structure can be a much required and
educational cityscheme. bring more of
dewar & uytenbogaadrt concepts and illustrations. 50%
fernandes – urban frame work:
johannesburg inner city
confusing
title. are you really going to produce a
framework for the inner city? your
objectives are honourable and are a city requirement, the question is, will you
be able to do this? i think you can if
you focus and use your time wisely.
contents need a history layer.
after reading and reading the document, i am still not sure or clear
where it is going. the observations i
have are these: objectives should be
illustrated [as in the observation graphic, on page 5] since they are the
components, which inform and direct the framework and they are strong. through their illustration, only then will
you be able to tell what is, and what is not, possible. locality map on page 7 is thin. the yellow circles are too prominent. these can be expressed in a milder manner and
other data should be displayed. what is
the point of mapping ethnic groups? what
is the map on page 9? why are you
illustrating massing on page 10? what
will this ultimately inform? from what
one reads, the project has an interesting genesis, asks the correct questions
then abruptly terminates on page 5. you
need to structure this so that it has a coherent narrative because for now it
ambles along. i see more of newtown than
of your site. at this stage of the
journey, this is disconcerting. 33%
badabili – urban informality
[using the unused]
like
the play on words of the title. like saying the unsayable. contents page has to be accompanied with
page numbers or else it uninformative.
what is the purpose of point 5 in the contents page? what role does it have in the greater scheme
of things? diagram illustrating the character of the area is too cryptic. in your abstract, you mention the corner of
fox + durban street numerously. clearly
this is a crucial corner and is pertinent to your project. why, then is it not photographed extensively
to illustrate the issues, like boundaries, publicness + informality, you
raise? esoteric photographs need
captions and sources to assist in their communication. objectives on page 2 are too complex:
§ to provide a status quo with regards to the proposed
study area and surrounding areas of influence – if you can do this, then you
are a genius who deserves a nobel peace prize + other human accolades. just this one objective, would be enough as a
way forward.
§ to provide a basis for future recommendations regarding
mobility, infrastructure development, social etc. – is too complex an
undertaking. identify to simplify your
objectives then do them. this all the
project requires you to accomplish. identify
3 key issues then wrestle with these employing intellect, an academic discourse
and appropriate graphics to make your argument then demonstrate your ability to
unpack the argument and offer fitting and relevant solutions.
site
interpretation and analysis_metropolitan scale, local scale, precinct area is
incomprehensible. what is the relevance
of sithole’s journey? what does the
concept_collage mean? you need to simply
your project, make the narrative accessible to, firstly, yourself then to the
reader. you will need to use appropriate
text + graphics to convey your thought as succinctly as possible. the danger here, is that you may have left it
too late. you need to push to make this
project come to fruition and to reach an acceptable submission. 20%
lundie – cultural fusion
clear
+ crisp structure. remember, when all is
said and done, you have to conclude.
excellent history page. how about
some images to supplement the text to make the text richer, like an image of
chief moselekatsi, doornfontein farm or what newtown looked like back
then. beautiful graphics which are
communicative. on 2.1, name the airports
and locate the rand airport as well. be
consistent with the spelling of medicine in zulu, it should either be muthi or
muti, not both. missing a scale between
2.2 and 2.3. the jump presently, is too
radical and disturbing. find something
comfortable, to illustrate your findings from 2.3 [page 12] onwards. 2.3 small scale mapping,, demographics, what
does it add to your document? building
edges + height is where it at, but sections would have enhanced your findings
and the beginnings of a spatial plan.
the photographic documentation is most welcome. supplement it with your observations in a
text format for a richer narrative.
3.1
nodes and connections, traveling possibilities . . . you state ‘through analysing movement patterns, public
transport nodes as well as places of interest a new precinct is identified that
should . . .’ ‘the idea is not to give
this precinct a very harsh cut of boundaries but rather to establish an area .
. .’ then you draw a precinct with a
hard impenetrable black line. why? you mention public transport and movement,
then your precinct boundary omits park station, mtn taxi rank and gandhi
sq. i find that perplexing. overall a comprehensive and well research
projects, with minor glitches here and there.
there is still time to fix these and really get into the framework for a
strong submission. 70%
vollmer – intersection of durban
street & berea street
table
of contents is rather long and too much of it is on newtown + jeppestown. that being said, 3 and 4 should contain the
same heading, which will then be applied in maboneng, otherwise one compares
apples and oranges. why do you map
pedestrian routes, landuse and zoning?
these will be different for different parts of the city. what about the walking distances? walking distances from what? are these linked to public transport? if so, what does this information translate
to the maboneng precinct? as much as the
work done in the 2 precincts is commendable, the correlation to the study area
is not clear and this is concerning since this should be the project. what is the nature of your project and what
are you doing to fulfil this? this,
ultimately, is the question. presently
the project remains vague and the sooner it is articulated the sooner one can
engage with it in a critical manner. we
should meet soon. 25%
falconer – urban to detail
kudos
for the preface and an engaging cover plus title. intriguing table of contents. the only concern is that the project appears
well framed from 1 – 3.13. what happens
between 4 and 9? is it a similar
structure with subpoints? you oscillate
between city and suburb and city and suburban. why?
city and suburb is clearer. pick
one and be consistent. metropolitan contextual maps are fine, just make sure
the educational facilities are well covered – use the material you unpacked
last semester at your intersection.
parktown boys, roseneath, rand girls, helpmekaar, etc.? 2.22 observations can be amplified with more
images demonstrating traffic + pedestrian congestion issues and others. project gets positive dose + injection of
substance from 3.2 – 3.7. well
done. substitute precedence with precedent. overall, this has the genesis and the making
of a brilliant document. one hopes and
prays that the initial energy isn’t lost to otherness or unfathomable added
distractions. 73%
coter – linking people and
places
excellent
intro quote by ms jacobs. strong
contents, but where is the framework? am
i missing something? is it under
operation? in line with your contents,
it should be demonstrated after precedent.
speaking of, 4. precedent –
source and locate some local examples, we cannot always look over there
to shape what is here. the abstract
addresses 2 different key issues:
1. uncovering a hidden
city by minimising segregation
2. bringing 2 worlds
together in a common space in order to reveal their hidden qualities
these
may appear similar but are not. get a
clear and concise depiction of what you intend to do and then do it. articulate this to yourself till you begin to
fully grasp it and then make this your concept.
from then on, everything you do – transport, landmarks, suburbs,
gateways and landuse – must relate to it.
the principles component of the document isn’t clear.
phase
2,on the vision graphic, is between maboneng and? is it rissik, harrison or sauer? if phase to is to link to newtown, then why
terminate here? this is also the case
for small street, why does it terminate between pritchard and president? project gets more confusing after the phase
development perspective – whats with the sections? what do they communicate? why the larger font? try to be clear to get an interesting project
to move forward without too many unexplained questions. 50%
